im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I touched a dick in church today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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