brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
