My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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