Someone shit on the floor
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You ruined the universe
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
