Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
