You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
