if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
