i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
