She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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