He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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