theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am one with the molecules
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
