Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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