had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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