On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
