I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
