That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
