He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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