glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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