I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
