Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
