people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
