Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will pee on everything he values.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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