so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
