This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
