I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
