obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
