why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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