Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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