She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
