Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
