i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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