in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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