ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
