Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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