Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
