She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize