hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
