She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
