I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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