please come you make the beer taste better
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
