i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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