My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
