I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
