I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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