Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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