Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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