apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
