I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
