I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
