Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
