I cockslap morals
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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