So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
