You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
