The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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