Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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