Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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