I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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