i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
