Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
