I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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