Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
