There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
