hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize