Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
