ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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