no, he came in my armpit
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
