Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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