This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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